When October Feels Like the Last Chance Before Christmas

By October, the question has usually changed. It’s no longer just “Could we start in time for Christmas?” It becomes “Is there still time?”

And you can probably feel that shift in clinic too. More patients asking if they can be squeezed in, more requests for the earliest possible appointment and, sometimes, a little more urgency in conversations that might have felt very different a few weeks ago.

For many patients, though, Christmas isn’t really about Christmas.

It’s about not having to go through another Christmas wondering when will it be our turn? It’s about not having to answer questions from family and friends about whether there’s any news yet. It’s about wanting to go into another family gathering with some hope, rather than feeling like another year has passed and they’re still waiting.

That can be a huge amount of emotion to carry into an appointment, even when the patient doesn’t actually say any of this out loud.

So when the answer genuinely has to be “it’s not going to happen this year”, it can feel particularly difficult in October, November and December. There’s less time left, the disappointment can feel much more immediate and a patient who is already feeling anxious or upset may hear “we can’t do it” as “we’re letting you down.”

There are a few simple things that can make a real difference.

Acknowledge the Christmas deadline.
Don’t always wait for the patient to bring it up. Saying something as simple as “I know getting started before Christmas is really important to you” shows that you understand there’s more behind their question than simply finding an available appointment.

Be honest about what is realistically possible.
It can be tempting to leave things open with a “we’ll see what we can do”, particularly when you know how much this means to someone. But giving a clear answer early is often kinder than allowing someone to hold onto hope for several more weeks, only to be disappointed later.

Help them separate the timing from the bigger picture.
Not starting treatment before Christmas doesn’t mean they’ve failed, that they’re starting again or that they’ve somehow fallen behind. It’s a change in timing, not necessarily a change in their chances. Sometimes helping a patient step back from “I’ve missed my chance” to “this is going to happen a little later than I hoped” can make the situation feel more manageable.

And I think it’s important to remember that this time of year can be difficult for staff too.

Having the same conversations over and over again, managing expectations, dealing with disappointment and sometimes feeling that pressure from patients who desperately want you to find a way to make it happen can take its toll.

You’re supporting people through something that matters enormously to them, while also working within timescales and constraints that you can’t always change.

So make sure you’re looking after each other too.

Having somewhere to talk about the difficult conversations, share what’s working and simply say “that was a really hard one” can make a difference.

This is exactly the kind of thing we talk about in my Monthly Nurse Support Calls - a regular space for nurses and fertility teams to talk through the conversations they’re finding difficult, share ideas and get some support themselves.

Because supporting patients well doesn’t mean having all the answers. Sometimes it’s about having the space to think about how we have the conversation when the answer isn’t the one the patient was hoping for.

If you think this kind of support would be useful for you or your team this autumn, I’d love to hear from you.

If you'd like to know more, email me at [email protected]