The Power of Language: What to Say (and What Not to Say) to Fertility Patients

As fertility professionals, your words have a profound impact on how supported, valued, and understood a patient feels throughout their journey. Knowing what to say (and what not to say) can make all the difference in building trust, reducing patient anxiety, and creating a compassionate, patient-centred experience.

I'm sure that many of you are already aware of these and know the phrases to avoid, but unfortunately I'm still hearing that patients 

Common Phrases That Can Cause Distress – And What to Say Instead

“Just relax, and it will happen.”

While meant to be encouraging, this phrase can make patients feel like their infertility is their fault. Relaxation does not cure infertility, and this statement can add guilt and frustration.

Say instead: “I know this process can be really stressful. You’re doing everything you can, and we’re here to support you.”

“At least you know you can get pregnant.”

For patients who have had a miscarriage or unsuccessful treatment, this can minimise their pain and invalidate their grief. They may still feel a profound sense of loss, uncertainty, and anxiety about the future.

Say instead: “I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I can’t imagine how difficult this must be, but I’m here to support you.”

 “There's no point bothering with your own eggs/sperm, you just need to use a donor”

While this may be the case in their circumstances, it can be extremely difficult to hear (especially if delivered like this as I have heard about). This phrase can feel dismissive, overlooking the patient’s grief, personal preferences, or long-term hopes for having a biological child.

Say instead: “I know this journey isn’t easy, and I want to help you explore all the options that feel right for you.”

 “You’re not my only patient.”

While true, this phrase can make patients feel like they are a burden or unimportant. Fertility treatment is deeply personal, and patients want to feel that their struggles are acknowledged.

Say instead: “I understand this is a really important time for you, and I want to make sure you feel fully supported. Let’s go over any concerns you have.”

“It could be worse.”

Comparison rarely helps. Even if someone’s situation isn’t the “worst-case scenario,” their pain is still valid. Statements like this can make patients feel like they’re not allowed to grieve their experience.

Say instead: “This must be so hard. It’s okay to feel however you need to right now.”

How to Show Empathy While Maintaining Professionalism

It’s important for fertility professionals to strike a balance between showing genuine empathy while maintaining a professional, supportive tone.

Here’s how:

1. Acknowledge emotions, even when you don’t have all the answers.
Instead of feeling pressure to “fix” a situation, simply validating a patient’s feelings can make them feel heard.

Try saying: “I can see how difficult this is for you. I may not have the perfect words, but I want you to know that I’m here to support you.”

2. Avoid toxic positivity.
While optimism is helpful, forcing positivity can make patients feel misunderstood. Instead of “It will all work out!”, try acknowledging the reality of their struggle.

Say instead: “This is really hard. I hope for the best outcome for you, but I know it’s a tough journey.”

3. Practice active listening.
Patients often feel rushed during appointments, so taking a moment to listen without interruption can go a long way.

Nod, maintain eye contact, and use small affirmations like “I hear you” or “That must be really difficult” to show understanding.

Tips for Handling Difficult Conversations with Sensitivity & Care

Delivering Difficult News with Compassion

Whether it's a negative test result or an unsuccessful IVF cycle, delivering bad news with care is critical.

• Use clear, direct, and kind language.
• Allow space for silence and processing.
• Follow up with next steps and emotional support resources.

Example: “I’m really sorry, but the test results were negative. I know this isn’t the news you were hoping for. Let’s talk about how we can support you moving forward.”

Recognising & Responding to Emotional Reactions

Patients may react to fertility struggles with anger, sadness, frustration, or withdrawal. It’s important not to take emotional responses personally but instead respond with patience and support.

Try saying: “I can see that this is really overwhelming. Would you like to take a moment before we talk about next steps?”

Supporting Patients Who Are Struggling with Mental Health

Fertility treatment can trigger anxiety, depression, and emotional burnout.

• Be aware of signs that a patient may need additional support (persistent sadness, withdrawal, extreme anxiety).
• Know when to signpost patients to counselling, fertility coaching, or mental health professionals.
• Normalise seeking help, reassuring patients that emotional well-being is part of fertility care.

Say instead: “Many people find this journey emotionally exhausting. If you ever feel like talking to someone would help, we have great support options available.”

How My Training Helps Clinics Improve Patient Communication

Every conversation in a fertility clinic shapes a patient’s experience—whether it’s a five-minute chat with reception, a nurse explaining treatment options, or a doctor delivering life-changing news.

My specialist training for fertility clinics focuses on:

• Developing patient-friendly communication skills that balance empathy and professionalism.
• Training staff to handle sensitive conversations with confidence and care.
• Teaching teams how to build trust with patients through effective language and support strategies.

The way we speak to fertility patients matters more than we realise. By choosing words carefully, practicing active listening, and approaching every interaction with compassion, we can make the fertility journey less isolating and more supported. When clinics improve communication, they enhance patient trust, reduce stress, and create a more compassionate environment.

Want to learn more? Let’s work together to help your clinic provide the highest standard of patient care, contact me at [email protected]